I sat in the car listening to him desabafou, or let it out. Someone was spreading the word that he was just doing ministry/helping the kids for the money. and it wasn't just anyone, it was someone who he had opened the doors of his home to. Someone he'd discipled, welcomed into the family of God with open arms. And now these whispered lies in the dark.
Similar things happened recently with the other guy I work with. In the 10+ years I have worked in ministry, I've seen it happen over and over: someone close stabbing you in the back--about ministry--normally involving something about money. And the pain.
I am not sure why I've managed to be relatively unscathed so far: I think it is because I work with kids and look like a kid. I stay away from adults. And when all else fails, I often resort to the "nod and smile until you can back away" method. Often, plain cowardice. Sometimes, pure common sense.
But I feel like getting married changes that. it changes money intake, which I've tried to keep nonexistent. It changes who I hang out with and the conversations I have. It changes my responsibilities. It is when people say "Oh, now you have to choose sides--none of this 'go play with the kids while the adults talk' business."
This scares me. I know the world needs people to stand up and take responsibility and continue to love even those you've been stabbed in the back. but I prefer my semi-safe immunity I have worked for. I've created a nitch for myself, and when all else fails, I just run and play with kids. I say I am busy planning things for the kids instead of making those relationships that could turn around and bite me. I leave the country enough, letting everyone know I love them, but won't be around to carry the burdens--I have other burdens.
I know my time will come. No one in ministry (that I know) has ever gotten through without at least a couple good back wounds. It just--dang--makes you think twice about the occupational hazards of the profession, and how nothing is as it should be.
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