1. First poem—1998
All alone
On my own
In a crowd of people
All pass by
Don’t see that I
Am so depressed
No one cares
No one shares
In a crowd of people
In a crowd of people
I cry
Not knowing why
No one has hurt me
But can’t they see
That I’m not me
In a crowd of people?
Won’t they stop
Before I drop
Listen and ask why
Why can’t I
Just explain the way
I feel
It is stuck inside
And like the tide
Will it come out
Someday
Someway
In a crowd of people?
If I tried
Could I be satisfied
In a crowd of people?
God I know You’re there
Why can’t I
Remember?
I know You’re near
Ready to hear
In a crowd of people
When I’m down
I’ll turn to you
You’re my crowd of people
2. Silence
As I struggle to put
Thoughts to words
And words to paper
To explain how much
I want to help
How much I care
I see the problem
I know the answer
But I am scared and afraid
Will you listen?
I stare out into space
My own problems
Rushing in my face
Who am I
To tell you anything?
Is it my place to say something
Or keep silent
Will you see the hypocrite in me
And reject any truth I might have?
Lord, teach when to speak
Teach me how to talk
Let each word be formed by Your will
Help me see
When they are ready
Give me the strength to stand alone
The grace to walk forward
The mercy not to trip
And the boldness to
Hold my head up
3. Digging
Dig a little deeper
For me
I am lost and alone
Keep searching for me
I am under the bush
Pushed in the corner
Kicked casually away
By another
I tried yelling out
Lost my voice
Along with my hope
Here I stay
Until found
Dig a little deeper
For me
Please do not give up
I am right beyond
Your reach
Waiting for you
To dig a little deeper
Take a bit more time
Keep holding on
I am coming
4. Beloved
Your wounds
Are mine
To earn
Your stripes
Are mine
To gain
Your way
Is mine
To learn
Your words
Mine to make
Plain
Precious in
Possession
I am Yours
And You
Are mine
5. Problems
I want to close my eyes
And make all the problems go away
I want to tell everyone
That now is just not the time
I am too full of issues to deal with more
Wait in line
And take a number
They are hurting
Smiling while draining
Laughing while dying
I have my own problems
And feel bad to notice them
With so much more around
6. Agitator
Music calls out
Feelings I cannot
Express
Stirs them
Agitates them
And then leaves me
In silence
To deal with them
Alone
7. Motorcycles
Riding a moto
Vibrating
Across the cobblestones
Windy black night
Punctured
With white stars
Holding a shoulder
Warm
With security
Dangling a foot
Loose
With abandon
Slowing for lombadas
Sporadically
Placed
Watching him pass
Contemplating
Mysteries
Racing to a place
Filled
With belonging
8. 2nd place
The rain darkening my shirt
The soft petals drifting down
I am silent
But grass is moving around
The people passing
Do not see me
Please press against me
To see if I am real
They don’t even know
That I have no place to go
I am lost
With fear hiding in
My placid face
They don’t even know
That I have no place to go
Home is far
And rest is lying
Farther still
9. Daily
When I say
“I love you”
It means that is
Never going to change
I am never giving up
I will never leave
I will never replace you
When I say
“You are enough”
It means I accept you
As you are
That you please me and
Thrill my heart
Even with seeing all
Your faults
I will cheer
Every victory you have
But they will not earn
My love
You already have it
When I say
“You are beautiful”
It means there is
Something I see when I look at you
That delights me in a way
No one else can
I don’t want to look away
I don’t compare you to anyone else
I don’t want you to
Change a thing
When I say
“I forgive you”
It means I’ve taken the pain
You caused
And paid the price
Of your choices
You are free
With the power to forgive
Yourself and others
I won’t use your past against you
To shame you into doing right
When I say
“I am proud of you”
It means I boast about you
To others
Because you make me smile
I know you are going
To do something amazing
Each day you open
Your eyes
When I say
“I believe in you”
It means that even if
It looks like you’ve fallen and
Won’t get up
I look at you and see
A miracle of what will be
I connect my name with yours
And you represent me to others
When I say
“I have a plan for you”
It means I not only took time
To know you
Completely
But I found the thing that will
Complete you
More than any other
And planned it for you
I tell you these words
Because I mean them
10. Control
I like things open
Where I can feel it
As I live it
I like pickup trucks
Being one with the journey
Brick roads
Feeling every break and beginning
Oceans
Uncontrollable
Dirt
Where it is undiluted yet
Windows
Letting in sunlight and rain
I don’t like
Air conditioning
Caged in and everyone else locked out
Umbrellas
Trying to hide from what comes down
Headphones
Ending coversations before they start
Cell phones
Interrupting
As civilization congratulates itself
On forgetting how to enjoy
What cannot be controlled
11. Stranded
The warm shallow water
Where we sit and stare
At the bits of sand
That used to be proud rocks
And say the things
Buried in the corners of our hearts
Finding the shells
Half hidden and caught
In the brilliance of the sun
Holding our missing selves
In our fingers loosely
12. A Slice of Space
To wedge my frame in
Leaving a wake
On the dusty road
Stepping over shoes that
Pinch their toes
Knees knocking
A friendly excuse
Butt cheeks balanced
By the bodies of others
Lurching Kombi
Turns my stomach
Learning forward
I rest my elbows
Wind from cracked window
Blows through the hair
Of the wrinkled lady
And the wicked grin
Of the boy next to me
My nose stings
From the dark perspiration
On dingy clothes
Sometimes it is good to know
You are human
Surrounded by living beings
Butt cheeks balanced
By the bodies of others
13. Details
Where have you been?
Open your eyes
The sun is going down
And you never saw it rise
Open to the pain
Let it cut you deep
Knowing what you missed
While you were asleep
I need you now
I needed you then
Rise to the challenge
Let the day begin
Step into the role
Empty until you arrive
The world awaits
The glory of man alive
14. Box
Bombarded by brilliance
Take it in slowly
Dazed and daunted
No longer thinking
I have anything worthwhile
To offer
Wish wish wish
For one little spot
A corner of creativity
But I can’t invent the wheel
Where is the box?
I want to smash it
But I can’t find it
I hid it in my subconscious
The day I was scared
15. Balloon
You say
So many pretty things
But I
Have forgotten how to believe them
Imagining
You coming after me
Shaking me
Telling me
It was only me
But you never show
No one gets what we were
Or are
And now
I have forgotten as well
I don’t know how
To believe you anymore
I used to be so secure
In your love
Now I fill a balloon
With your name on it
And really
Let
Go
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