30 Best Calvin and Hobbes

1.      “Reality continues to ruin my life”

2.      “Sometimes when I'm talking, my words can't keep up with my thoughts. I wonder why we think faster than we speak. Probably so we can think twice.”

3.      “You know, Hobbes, some days even my lucky rocket ship underpants don't help.”

4.      “There's no problem so awful, that you cant add some guilt to it and make it even worse.”

5.      “I've been thinking Hobbes"
"On a weekend?"
"Well, it wasn't on purpose”

6.      “Look! A trickle of water running through some dirt! I'd say our afternoon just got booked solid!”

7.      “Mom’s not feeling well. So I’m making her a get well card.”
“That’s thoughtful of you.”
"See, on the front it says, ‘Get Well Soon’ … and on the inside it says,’Because my bed isn’t made, my clothes need to be put away and I’m hungry. Love Calvin.’ Want to sign it?”
“Sure, I’m hungry too”

8.      “A day can really slip by when you're deliberately avoiding what you're supposed to do.”

9.      “I wonder where we go when we die?”
“…Pittsburgh?”
“You mean if we’re good or if we’re bad?”

10.  “Everybody seeks happiness! Not me, though! That’s the difference between me and the rest of the world. Happiness isn’t good enough for me! I demand euphoria!”

11.  “As you can see, I have memorized this utterly useless piece of information long enough to pass a test question. I now intend to forget it forever. You’ve taught me nothing except how to cynically manipulate the system. Congratulations.”

12.  “They say the world is a stage. But obviously the play is unrehearsed and everybody is ad-libbing his lines.”

“Maybe that’s why it’s hard to tell if we’re living in a tragedy or a farce.”

“We need more special effects and dance numbers.”

13.  “So the secret to good self-esteem is to lower your expectations to the point where they’re already met?”

14.  “God put me on this earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now I am so far behind that I will never die.”

15.  “In my opinion, we don’t devote nearly enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks.”

16.  “Life’s disappointments are harder to take when you don’t know any swear words.”

17.  “I have a hammer! I can put things together! I can knock things apart! I can alter my environment at will and make an incredible din all the while! Ah, it’s great to be male!”

18.  “What state do you live in?”
“Denial.”

19.  “Wow, look at the grass stains on my skin. I say, if you knees aren’t green by the end of the day, you ought to seriously re-examine your life.”

20.  "If you can't win with reason, go for volume."

21.  "What fun is it being 'cool' if you can't wear a sombrero?"

22.  "I've got plenty of common sense!  I just choose to ignore it."

23.  "As far as I'm concerned, if something is so complicated that you can't explain it in 10 seconds, it's probably not worth knowing anyway."

24.  “When a kid grows up, he has to be something. He can’t just stay the way he is. But a tiger grows up and stays a tiger why is that?” Hobbes replies, “No room for improvement. Calvin, “Of all the luck, my parents had to be humans.” Hobbes, “Don’t take it too hard. Humans provide some very important protein.”

25.  “It’s not summer if your tongue isn’t purple.”

26.  “I ‘m not a vegetarian! I’m a dessertarian.”

27.  “Obviously my body doesn’t believe a word my brain is saying.”

28.  “I propose we leave math to the machines and go play outside.”

29.  “You can present the material, but you can’t make me care.”

30.  “People pay more attention to you when they think you’re up to something.”