Wednesday, October 8, 2014

Eleven Months Married

This was "The List Prince Charming will be" when I was 19:
1. Saved and totally surrendered to the Lord
2. Ask for my advice
3. Stimulate my brain, be a “deep thinker”
4. Think I am nearly perfect and want to make me totally perfect
5. Live a life of purity, living up to the highest
6. Not be lazy—a hard worker
7. Feel free to talk to me about anything and I him
8. Always have time for me
9. Know what they want in life and stick to it
10. Be a spiritual leader
11. Be a gentleman
12. Love his mom and sisters and have great relationships with them
13. Have godly men that keep him accountable and do “guy stuff” with
14. Want lots of kids everywhere all the time
15. Be filled with the Holy Spirit and always wanting to share his insights
16. Not be a complainer
17. Be more in love with God and want to be with Him more than with me
18. Be involved with a ministry that reaches out and serves people
19. Keeps me accountable for my walk with God
20. Have nothing in their past that holds back the present or the future
21. Be generous with their money, but also wise, giving it all to God first
22. Talk to my father about me
23. Give me time and space to make my own decisions
24. Agree with my mom in politics
25. Be honest and open even when it requires sacrifice
26. Be a man of prayer
27. Not a pushover when it comes to discipline
28. We both “fit in” to the other’s families
29. We agree on doctrine and entertainment
30. I need to be attracted to him

Pretty complete list. But I didn't list the thing that I have most appreciated the past 11 months: being a generally happy person. You can call it optimism or positivity, but whatever it is, I am extremely grateful that Caid has it. I think I would wilt into a little ball if my husband was a downer. His optimism and excitement for life gives me permission to be realistic when normally I would be "sunshine and rainbows," making sure that everyone was having a good time and bought into whatever we are doing. It is so refreshing to not have to pull that load.

I woke up one morning and wanted to figure out my "words." I feel that whenever we are in close relationships with others, the two personalities collide, and in a sense, you become someone...more. Who you choose to marry affects who you become. If I had chosen to marry someone else, I would have become someone else. So I sorted through the life of Rachel and thought of past relationships: with one, I would have become "sharp and smart." With another "cared for and comfortable." with Caid? The words that came to my head were "happy and healthy." And truly, I couldn't have picked any words I'd rather be.
My sister told me I'd better think of the words she's given me as well, since she was a very important relationship too. Good point.

On past road trips, we have been listening to marriage podcasts. The most recent trip I realized I didn't want to, which made me question why to myself. The answer came that it is because we are doing really well--Caid and I--and without too much work/investment, and I was at the point of "Just don't screw it up." When we first got married, I wanted all the advice possible, because it was a blank page. But I don't want to ever stop growing, just because we are coasting.
So we listened to the podcast and it was really good. And at the part where it was giving advice to men, Caid stopped it and turned to me and said, "I want you to know I hear this." And he does--he already put those words into practice. It is really incredible to be married to someone who has the same goals as I do, and really does them.
We will arrive in Brazil on our 11 month anniversary, and be there for almost three weeks. We are at a wonderful place of not-knowing and assurance of something GRAND in God's plans. Changes are coming in many different ways, and we are determined not to just coast, but to play hard, work hard. I wrote about fashion, remembered the past, and ran a 5k this past month, and feel so blessed to be doing everything along side my prince Charming.