16. Open
The doorway opens again
The writing on my hand is faded
The wind blows only in rotation
The melody pushes me farther
But the voices inhibit
I return to solid ground
Damn
I will not wait for permission
I force my foot in the door
I will not be her anymore
No looking back, pillar of salt
If I shut the door quietly
Can we pretend to begin again?
Don’t trust me, I have yet to trust myself
Both of us are too heavy to carry
I cannot win walking backward
But look into my eyes tonight
For the door is open and I want to go
Just one more straw to tip
17. No Helmet
He always makes me wear one. It boxes my
head in
Separated from the beauty and life around me
My head bobbles
The strap cuts my chin
Knocking against the corners of my head
That do not fit the contours
Open the flap, let in some breeze
The sweat has gathered
Snap it shut again
When the dust is stirred
On the highway
It gives the illusion of protection
Even though I know one slip from the
driver and I am dead
I imagine my leg in a tree
Like he said he saw after an accident
But on the back roads
When there is no helmet to be had
Freedom
I play the cowgirl as I swing my leg over the
seat
The engine roars before I have a firm grasp
on his shoulder
I love the sound of wind
Brushing past my ears
Flying through nature
The green that only tropics have
The blue that belongs to Brazil
The 4:30pm sun that doesn't burn
Leaves a haze over the sugarcane fields
The stones make my teeth chatter
The view makes my heart hurt
"I'm the lucky one"
I whisper to myself
And hope the feeling will never grow old
I turn my head and squeeze my eyes
To hide from the dust blowing
The red dirt paints my skin
My foot black dirt where my sandal was
My nose burnt with SPF 30
I wish I could put it on paper
The way it really is
Instead of random lines of words
That I tie together into a sentence
18. Harder
Why do
I feel
Like
something beautiful
In my
life died
Why
does it make
Getting
up in the morning
Harder
Can
continuing to love
Be as
beautiful as
The
love itself?
Is it
an opportunity
To
dance in the moonlight
Is it
a beautiful thing
To
live life with You
When did
I stop
Looking
at the stars
When
did the beauty
Make
my face turn away
When
did the rain
Feel
like balm to my soul
Expressing
emotions
That I
refuse to let loose
Continuing
to love
Is as
beautiful as
The
love itself
It is
an opportunity
To
dance in the moonlight
It is
a beautiful thing
To
live life with You
19. Lost Notebook
A
blank page
Like a
starless sky
Waiting
for light
To
streak across it
A full
heart
Like a
river
Rising
with
The
spring rain
A
quiet moment
Like
the sunrise
After
the thunderstorm
Late
in the night
A
question
Like a
single note
That
crescendos
Until
it occupies
all my
senses
20 Haiku
Surprisingly clear
past love, doubt, hate, fear and lies
I know I am right
21. Doors
As I watch
My image
Crumble before
My eyes
Sometimes bit by bit
Sometimes wall by wall
They fall
The restlessness
Inside me grows
To build a new place
To build a new me
Faced with a challenge
I cannot ignore
Looking down both paths
And wondering which door
Break me again
I’ve forgotten already
Now that I know
What I am in for
You have taken
Away the darkness
And now it’s deathly bright
No place to get away
Waiting to grasp one thread
When it breaks
I’ll go
Tomorrow
Is not good enough
Faced with a challenge
I cannot ignore
Looking down both paths
And wondering which door
22. Not Good Enough
A house without windows
A hope without love
A girl without a mother
Forgotten
How can it be
In our world of pretty lights
That one should be missing
And no one notice
I can’t take it
I don’t want to handle it
I will scream if one more person
Tries to hide it under a rug
Cry
Drop tears
Let your nose run
But do not ignore it
Life is hard
Life is unfair
Some things will never
Be able to reconcile
Do not let this be
The only heaven
You will have
Because for some
This is the best
It is going to get
It is not good enough
For me
23. Maybe
Maybe it is not
Where I get
But how I get there
Maybe it is not
The point I have
But how I say it
Maybe It is not
What happens to me
But what I do about it
Maybe I make choices
Not on how it affects me
But how it affects others
Maybe I resist temptation
Not for my success
But to make a path for those following
Maybe I push a little harder
Not to win
But to lead
Maybe I keep my mouth closed
Not to abstain
But to preserve
Maybe I laugh louder and cry harder
Not to get it out
But to keep it going
Maybe I live
Not just because I have the chance
But to give a chance to others
Maybe the choice
Is no longer mine
24. Advice
Love me first
Love me consistently
Come into my life
Slowly
Don’t try to rush me
I am not listening
Even if it is the right thing
To say
Don’t stop
Just slow down
I am sorry
I am giving you a hard time
There is much
That was lost
Inside I am
Rooting for you
Hoping you’ll keep going
Wishing it will never end
But outside
I cannot voice it
Because I have been
Too hurt by the past
I don’t want it
To be easy for you
I am not ready
To give you free reign
I want you to understand
The value of what you threw away
But don’t let that discourage you
Please keep going
25. Remember
Draw me in from the rain
I am shaking with fear
Pull me close to your heart
Let me feel the beat
Wrap me in warm clothes
As your fingers trace my tears
I want to remember you
I want to remember truth
You are God
You are good
And when things change
You never do
You are love
You are pure
You have never left
You never will
Pain loosens my memory
Struggles turn my thoughts
To me
So in Your mercy
Come once more
In Your grace
Call to me
Woo me after I’ve turned
To other lovers
Don’t scold me for
My glaring inadequacy
Only love me
Because
You can do no less
Only love me
Because
It is who You are
And I remember You
26. Listen
Speak less harshly
You have so much more to learn
Be quicker to listen
There is so much more to hear
Your world is so small
And what you understand
Is even smaller
Give the benefit of the doubt
And maybe
There is more to the story
There is someone hurting
There is a need
That only you can meet
And only if you
Shut up and listen
27. Tinkerbell
The little girl that dances in the breeze
The little girl that wants to climb in trees
Little one that looks around with delight
Little one you must protect from her fright
She is so small
But she knows so much
Sitting there waiting
For one magic touch
To open the doors
And let her in
To where her life
Will magically begin
28. Fear
I know my greatest fear
For it eats me alive
It is the fear
Of hurting those I love
I know my second greatest fear
For it strikes when I cannot prepare
It is the fear
Of watching those I love get hurt
And not being able to help
It is a fearful thing to love
29. Better
You are out there
In the darkness
Where I want to be alone
Together
I feel you there
In front of my fingers
The you I want
In stillness
In silence
The you I know I
Can’t have
The beautiful longing
It creates
It hangs in brilliance
By a thread of hope
That refuses to die
Telling me that dreams
Are better than
Half-lived realities
30. True Love
I
found myself
Yelling
at you
Burning
inside
Because
I am tied
And
helpless to do
Anything
about it
I
guess that is what
True
love is
Looking
at the real you
Full
in the face
Without
hiding anything
Without
anything beautiful
And
finding that
I love
you even more
Overwhelmed
at the complexity
Of
life
And
knowing the road is full
Of
pain
Of
being hurt and hurting back
You
step back and wonder
If it
is all even worth it
I
guess that is what
True
love is
All
illusions gone
And
being flooded with
The
knowledge that
No
matter what the cost
No
matter what the pain
There
is nothing else I want
And
finding that
I love
you even more
No comments:
Post a Comment