And thank goodness I can trust God and just work on loving Him and loving them and when one day my kid comes up to me and says, "You really messed up on/with/because of this and this..." hopefully I can sit with grace and listen kindly (or maybe just nod) as they work through things. Because unintended consequences.
When I say to myself "I will never do this like my parents," I now wonder what events/life/culture led them to their reaction, and doing that in the first place. In general, from the basic family history I've received, I think parenting has gotten better over the generations of our family. I don't know much about my great-grandparents: they seemed to do the best with what they had--but it wasn't much during the great depression. And my grandparents, I love them, but wars and work and not really understanding relationships...my parents took the best of what they were given and kept moving. Not that my parents were perfect. Nope. I do hope that I do some things differently than they do: but I also see a lot of what they did as working to fix what what was done to them.
The problem is that for every action, there is a reaction, and we can't control what it is. We study history all we can, but over and over we are surprised at the unintended consequences that happen from our (hopefully) good intentions.
I think this is powerfully seen in politics (switching the conversation to politics here). Giving politicians the benefit of the doubt, let's assume they mostly do have good intentions at heart (because I am looking at the world as I want it to be). But one bill leads to one thing they never saw coming, which changes something else, to something else--and it gets scary really fast. That is why history is so important, especially in politics, to try to see these things ahead of time.
Because it is easier, let's look at Brazilian politics instead of American (assuming most of my readers are American). Bolsonaro has been called the "Trump of the Tropics." He has the same unfettered and raunchy mouth. In my personally opinion, it is a bit more dangerous in Brazil because the US government has always been established with many, many checks and balances. Brazilian government does not have such a foundation, and instead has a foundation of corruption and personal power.
Currently, the Amazon Rainforest is dangerously burning, and the president has said it was fake news, and perhaps the fires were set by NGOs (when it is around 90% sure the fires were set by ranchers wanting more deforested land). It has long been said that this rhetoric (in the USA as well) is just words, and at least, "We know he has no filter, rather than the two-faced politicians we don't know where they stand" or "He might be crooked, but he's bad at it and the other crooked ones are good at it."
The problem with this view is the unintended consequences (switching from president bashing to personal responsibility here). I was pretty young, but I remember the president Clinton scandal. I remember the uproar at his lack of character. I clearly see that lack in current presidents, and yet, from the same people who upheld character in the past, I see them giving a free pass, a "Yes, but..." I hear "Yes, he is horrid, but look at the results, the economy." "Yes, but he is better than the other options."
I cannot parent with this rhetoric, and do not think we should politic (made up word alert) with this rhetoric. I have no idea where the unintended consequences are going to take us, but I know it isn't anywhere good. I cannot give up on character, even if the other options only have fake character. I pray that God would give us the creativity to do something different than just resign ourselves to what options we have, or to embrace it because it gives us some of what we want, at the sacrifice of our character. I pray I would have the courage to walk this path with God, to trust Him with the unintended consequences.
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