Communication 101: Farting (or, What I Wished They Told Me Before Getting Married)

I remember the first time my husband, then boyfriend, farted in front of me. He looked sheepish as I looked up, tilted my head to one side, and nasally (breathing through my mouth) said, “Hey, that is the first time you farted around me!” We both laughed and went on with life—but also knew it was an important moment.
This might reveal to you more of our relationship than you wanted to know, but hear me out. If you are not married, then you need to know the truth: Farting happens. To everyone. Eventually. Some people are more gassy than others. And even if you aren’t gassy, you are bound to eat something (or get pregnant) that will make you gassy. If you get married or live in close quarters with someone, farting will be an issue.
I don’t remember this being part of pre-marital counseling (talking about farting), but it should have been. Because when farts happen (and you will be surprised how much of your life will involve farts), you need to have good communication about it—does one partner appreciate an “excuse me” every time, or not care? Is this a big deal or a little deal?
The first time my husband tried to Dutch-oven me I got mad. REALLY mad. Farts are a part of life, but did he have to make me get ALL of it? Why make it worse? But we had established a general rule of good communication, so we stopped and talked about it. Farts. Finally, we got down to the bottom of it when he said, “Rachel, it is extremely embarrassing to me that I am a gassy person. I feel bad that this is something that you will have to deal with for the rest of your life. So I feel like the best thing to do is to try to make it funny.”
And then I got it. I explained that “Dutch-oven” and “Funny” do not go along together, but that I understood who he was, accepted it, and would not make him embarrassed about it (except by writing this blog) because that was life. Good thing I did too, because then I got pregnant and became even gassier than he was, and was on the receiving end of that grace.
Farts are a part of life, and giving and receiving grace is a part of a healthy relationship. Something that could have been a daily source of irritation has now been transformed into an understanding and funny (without the Dutch-oven) part of life that draws us even closer to together. Now, on to washing the dishes!