Right now I just don't like people. Perhaps, my friend points out, this is an upside to PMS. You just don't care anymore, and you say what needs to be said (and you eat what needs to be eaten). "I like being alone for extended times on daily basis." I tell him. "Why are you just now telling me this?" He responds. And I have no good reason.
I just didn't want to be rude? I just wanted to be nice and do what he wanted to do? I just didn't know? Whatever. For whatever reason, now it is said. "Tell me what you want to do, instead of giving me a list of options and then hope I choose the one you want." Is what he says, and that sounds good to me.
I read this in the bathroom this morning, where all good reading is done: "I take pride in being competent, responsible, and able to take care of myself...it's easy to believe the lie that depending on others will always lead to letdown, rejection, and disappointment. I like to have well thought out and logical reasons for my actions. I like to understand and control my reactions."
"In the mirror of intimacy I am invited to acknowledge parts of my heart that I have chosen to ignore or have been unable to see. As I invite others into the deepest places of my heart, they reflect back to me both the most broken and most beautiful parts of me. A pointed question uncovers fear that I didn't realize was controlling me. A moment of vulnerability give me the strength to acknowledge my own brokenness. As I tentatively open my heart to intimacy I begin to see a clearer reflection of myself."
"As I choose intimacy, I also say a hesitant "no" to autonomy and independence. I timidly say "no" to guarding my heart and tentatively say "no" to control. Yes, it is breaking me down, and it hurts. However, that brokenness is drawing me toward intimacy." (By Melissa Hayward in The Cry, wordmadeflesh.org)
No comments:
Post a Comment