Three Weeks of Baby Thoughts

1. I have almost gotten over needing to check and see if she is still breathing

2. She looks really ugly when pooping sometimes and I pray her face does not get stuck like that

3. Gas smiles are adorable. I kept wanting to think they were the real thing, but then I would have to say her “boob fights” (where she pushes away/eats hand instead/goes after her blanket/won’t open mouth enough) are on purpose too. I’d rather say she is just oblivious in all areas. 

4. I am sure my boob will suffocate her one of these times

5. They said I would forget the pain. I said I wouldn’t. I did. I mean, I can still remember it was the MOST PAINFUL THING I EVER DID in capital letters, but the whole pain part faded into the whole “whew that is done” oblivion. 

6. Typing one handed is common, with a sleeping baby draped on me, or a sucking baby attached to me. So is one handed eating—she does not seem to mind random dropping crumbs. 

7. We are both used to being slathered in milk. It gets everywhere. And fast. 

8. I remember thinking my new-mother friend was a little silly for not watching the action movie with me. I now see her point. Why add violence to part of my life when there are a million and one scenarios already playing out in my head of my child’s demise? Same reason why I never watch scary movies—life is scary enough without it. Besides—why not actively put positivity and happiness into my life instead? Where are all the happy movies??

9. She isn’t a baby. I have not turned into a baby person. She is just a little person who is very focused on three things: eating, pooping, and sleeping. 

10. I have never liked killing bugs. Growing up I would capture and release them into the wild. I now kill bugs without a second thought if they come near my girl.

11. The hair on top of her head is receding and the back hair is growing. Mullets can be hidden with hair bows. What do you do if you have a boy?

12. Adventures in rural Brazil wearing a baby pouch sling. The double takes. The jaw drops. The pointing and commenting, “THERE IS A BABY IN THERE” in capital letters. The parenting advice from total strangers. Everyone loves you when you are holding a baby.  

13. I am so blessed. First week was like a baby honeymoon, where Caid and I got to hang out and figure out BABY. Second week was baby and me while Caid was working. Ana and I got to watch movies and read books on my kindle. Third week is winter break while we start planning the next semester. I look at my daughter sleeping on me and feel bad that I probably will not have this much time to just STARE at my next kid.