1. Enjoy each other. And this goes so much deeper than sex. Let it be a party when it is an evening of just you and him. From now on: you + him = fun
2. Put marriage on your “to do” list. Right under “time with God” which should be right at the top. Because you spend time with God (your most important relationship) and then you spend time/invest in your husband (your second most important relationship). Everything else comes later. Even kids. Because what your kids need most is your priorities set properly.
3. Have an "Argument Process"
• Something happens
• I blame him (in my head), he blames me (in his head)
• It builds and explodes
• We take turns explaining our blaming
• We remember (and say) we love the other
• We sort it out (Why are we feeling hurt? why blaming? what responsibilities weren't done? what decisions/actions need to be made? )
• We remember the other person is an amazing person (They didn't set out to hurt me, they still love me, they are all I need/want)
• We remember that after God, this is my most treasured, valued relationship and I will do whatever it takes to make it beautiful and growing
• (Remember that make-up sex is a real thing)
4. Talk until you understand where he is coming from—and that it isn’t that he is against you. Coming from two different families means coming from two different cultures—no matter how similar you think you are.
5. Make sure that he is fed and sexed regularly. The only other thing he really needs is to have you happy and content. So spend the rest of the time making sure you get what you need for you to be happy and content.
6. Don’t feel bad about letting go of other relationships. It isn’t worth putting your marriage at risk. And especially the first year, while you are forming and cementing your relationship, you might find that you don’t have a lot of time for friends/family. The ones who love you and are worth keeping will understand. (Deut.24:5 to reinforce this idea)
7. Learn together. How to do everything. How to make the best life you will ever have—together. Start traditions. Make a bucket list together. Set goals together. Write a marriage mission statement.
8. When all else fails (or just because), think of 3 things you are grateful for about him. Extra credit for telling him what they are.
9. Learn each other. There is an amazing soul standing next to you, and you don’t know them yet—not all of them. There is always more.
10. It is okay to not be as productive as you were when single. Being single you have a lot more time to give to others. Now you are giving it to him. That is good, healthy, and fine. Outside ministry will still happen, and will look a little different. And that is as it should be.
11. If you are stressed and things are hard, it is a clue your spouse is probably feeling that too: time to give extra grace.
:)
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