First Goodbyes

(Ana Sofia and Heloise jumping in puddles--picture by Joy)

Today we said goodbye to a friend as we dropped her off at the airport. She had come for a little over a week, to help with sports ministry, but quickly found herself attached to Ana Sofia (not always on purpose on her part). Ever since we brought home baby Jessica, Ana Sofia has been trying to figure out how things fit in our family. Her daily amount of attention-needing has gone waaaaaaaay up. And Caid and I have struggled to fill it. Enter our friend Joy.
It was a wonderful week full of coloring, phone apps, mints, and piggy-back rides as Ana Sofia had a friend (a mother of three teens) who understood her and played on her level without saying, "Hold on, I have to feed the baby." And then last night I tucked her into bed and told her the next day's plans, as I often do. "Joy go home?" she said, "Joy stay with Sofia."
My almost three-year-old has already been to the USA and back, twice (four times if you count while in my belly). But this is the first goodbye where she really understands it. I've been saying my goodbyes for shorter and longer times since 2004, and I think I have it down pretty well, but I feel lost and helpless as to how to help my daughter begin that same journey.
I remember my journal entries, processing change and grief and boys and relationships and how all normal things get shook up by goodbyes. But I was 21 then. I remember puzzling over how worlds don't stay frozen when you leave them: they keep evolving without you. How your two worlds spin in different directions and you end up miles and miles away from where you started. But it was my choice to leave. I was the one traveling away.
My daughter has none of that. She has basic schema that says, "Joy stay with Sofia."
We talked about how Joy would go back home to her daughter: how her daughter needed her. We told her that we could visit Joy when we were back in the USA. I figured if anything could help, it would be talking about it.We had lots of hugs. But at the end of the airport line, there were tears.
Money can't mend a broken heart, but getting some 'coiya-coiya' (Coca-Cola) and chips did help considerably. After the car ride home, it was "Where Joy?" and going over it again, and "I want Joy here."
In the end, goodbyes suck. That is the problem with knowing amazing people around the world. And now I pass that on to my daughter.