After teaching kids for over 15 years, I can see it. I don't catch it all the time, but most of the time I can identify the change in a child's face when they "get it." The Eureka moment. The small window that teachers live for when you feel invincible because you can tell the information is connecting. In that moment you know you are inspiring them. That is the time that makes it all worth it-- the low pay, the long hours preparing-- they GOT it. The window to the soul.
I have gotten good at noticing when this time might be sneaking up-- I don't want to miss it. Knowing it is coming is part of what makes me a good teacher because it keeps me focused and on point. It shoots adrenaline in me and makes me enjoy myself...in turn letting the students enjoy themselves.
Being a mom is different from being a teacher. Those moments sneak up on me. They come at the most random time and it makes me catch my breath because I almost missed them. I realize that the influence, the ah-ha moment came and went and I barely saw it. As a newborn, her whole life is an Eureka moment.
It makes me scared to look away. What if that second, that instant that shapes my daughters life comes and goes and I was too busy cleaning the house - or worse-- watching TV or Facebook? (or posting a blog??)
As a teacher, I have learned how to control the environment and the situation as much as possible to lead to a positive learning experience. But being a mom informs me that life happens everywhere and always and it is uncontrollable and my daughter is still learning every second of it.
I don't want to miss it, I want to live it right next to her. This is often exhausting. This is sometimes exhilarating, as I catch her studying me from the corner of my eye. I am not the 5th grade teacher she will remember that inspired her that one time--I am the one who will show her what "normal" looks like.
I am the one who will--or will not--set her up with roots and wings. There are some answers , some places in her heart that only I can answer and fill, and if I don't, they will remain empty (or require therapy).
She is sleeping now. As I look at her I realize she just gave me learning and understanding I didn't have before. We make a good team.
August 9th was Father's day here in Brazil:
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