I posted part of my favorite quotes from the book "Scary Close" here if you'd like to read them too. Here are the parts about marriage and parenting that hit me hard:
“Love is not a game any of us can win, it’s just a story we can live and enjoy."
“The struggle in my relationship with Betsy (now his wife) was all about sharing agency. Was I willing to go into this thing having no idea what the finished product would look like? Could I give up my dream to merge it with hers and settle and perhaps be surprised by what could happen in a shared life?”
“Since I first discovered how remarkable Betsy was I’ve felt a certain responsibility. I no longer believe God is working behind to the scenes to make me powerful, rich, or famous. Instead, I think I’m supposed to contribute something to the people around me and create an environment where healthy relationships can flourish.”
“I’d say the thing that caused me to truly fall in love with Betsy was quite practical: I realized there wasn’t another girl on the planet with whom I was more compatible to have a healthy relationship, and if there was another girl, I never wanted to meet her.”
“In my opinion the misappropriation of the longing for God has caused a lot of people a great deal of pain. How many relationships have been ruined by two people attempting to squeeze Jesus out of each other? At our rehearsal dinner I shared “Betsy and I are going to try as hard as we can not to put the burden of that longing (for God, for heaven…) on each other,” I said. “Instead, we will comfort eah other in the longing and even love it for what it is, a promise that God will someday fulfill us.” I don’t know if there’s a healthier way for two people to stay in love than to stop using each other to resolve their unfulfilled longing and, instead, start holding each other closely as they experience them. I don’t mind the longing. The longing is beautiful. I just don’t want to feel it alone anymore. I want to share it with Betsy.”
“Relationships matter. And not all relationships help us reach our goals. God doesn’t give us crying, pooping children because he wants to advance our careers. He gives them to us for the same reason he confused the languages at the Tower of Babel, to create chaos and deter us from investing too much energy in the gluttonous idols of self-absorption.”
“My friend Marshall said before they had twins he thought of himself as a provider and protector, as somebody who was responsible to protect the physical world around the people he loved. But after having kids he realized that was 10 percent of the battle. What he really had to protect was the twins’ identity. He said there was a primal thing in him that wanted to stand between his children and the world and fight back all the lies.”
“I’m noticing a common characteristic of healthy families: kids with parents who are honest about their shortcomings seem to do better in life. it’s as though vulnerability and openness act as the soil that fosters security. Sadly, I’ve noticed the opposite is true too: parents who don’t admit their faults have children who are troubled and emotionally restless as though they secretly want to be free from their families so they can be themselves.”
Dr.Duke from Emory University went looking for common themes in healthy families. His wife noticed: “The ones who know a lot about their families tend to do better when they face challenges.” The article went on to explain that “The more children knew about their family history, the stronger their sense of control over their lives, the higher their self-esteem and the more successfully they believed their families functioned.” In fact, the “How much do you know about your family?” scale turned out to be the best single predictor of children’s emotional health and happiness. Dr.Duke went on to explain, however, it wasn’t just honest about a family’s troubled narrative that fueled a child’s health. It was actually what he called the oscillating family narrative that is the true story about how the family both succeeds and fails and yet stays together regardless."
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