Why I am a Missionary

In a recent conversation, one friend remarked about a missionary who'd recently shared at church: "They just seemed to really be doing what missionaries should do...you know...orphans and widows and such."
A wise older woman replied, "You know what missionaries do? They live their lives. They do life and wash their underwear just like you do."
"Except it takes three times longer." I added. Everyone laughed and nodded.

I ask myself (often and repeatedly) why I am a missionary.

Why I am a Missionary:
1. Because I have found something good--the Way of Life--and I want everyone who comes into my world to know Jesus--whom they need. I am sold out to this idea.
2. Because I have been invest in and given the set of skills needed to the job--and a darn good job--in Brazil. The workers are few. I can go where many others cannot.

I think most missionaries would tell you these answers. But there are more.

3. Because people who have need to give just as much as people who have not need to receive, and I have a gift in connecting those people.

Honestly, some of the main reasons why I am a missionary are just about ME.
4. Because it makes me happy. I want and desire to go to Brazil. I LOVE working with Living Stones. It lights me up, it is my passion. "Don't ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive." ― Howard Thurman. Is God big enough to match what He wants me to do with what makes me happy? YES!
5. Because I need to learn how to walk in grace, not control.
This might be the biggest one, really. I am a missionary because this is what God knows will work in me to make me more like the image of Christ.

I was clipping my toenails and noticing my growing belly getting in the way. My first thought was, "Well, good thing I will be in Brazil and able to get cheap pedicures when I can't reach my toes anymore!" Then came my "What missionaries should do" thoughts. And pedicures are not on the list. I get a mental image of a supporter saying/thinking, "You are spending my sacrificial support donation on your toes? I didn't have enough money to get my toes done because I gave that money to you."

Because here is the truth: every time we go to the movies, every time we buy some food we like, every time we go out to eat or do something special...that was donated gift money. We work just as hard (harder) as when we were in the USA and working normal jobs: but it isn't ever money we EARN. That means always feeling indebted. It means always have to receive/accept (and in turn give) grace. And sometimes, I don't want to stay in grace: I want to stay in control. I want to stay where I know I am making $9 an hour and can spend that without answering to anyone. I struggle. And that is why I am a missionary.