Knees and Toes

I got the phone call while shopping--the one everyone dreads--their spouse was in the emergency room. Caid had an old wrestling injury that was re-injured a week before, and while he was walking, he stretched and something tore.
He spent a week barely leaving the bed, icing and elevating his knee every hour. We saw a specialist and got an MRI--it is either his Meniscus (which needs surgery) or his MCL (which needs 3 months to heal). But we got the MRI right before we left for California, so haven't gotten the results yet.

Caid and I were hired to work with Supercamp this summer (in the past, I have worked with them in Hong Kong) at the University of South Florida, and so went to some training in Oceanside, CA. We are so grateful to have an Aunt and Uncle who live in San Diego, who picked us up after training, and have been showing us around. 

Churros in Mexico

Point Loma

And tomorrow is on to Disneyland--Caid has never met Micky!

Five Months Married

This month has been the most active and accomplished: we got married two more times. http://www.rachelsnewday.blogspot.com/2014/04/pictures-from-indiana-wedding.html and http://www.rachelsnewday.blogspot.com/2014/04/pictures-from-connecticut-wedding.html. It was amazing, and I am overwhelmed with how loved and cared for we are. Month six involves writing a lot of thank you cards.

We had our biggest fights and our best make-ups so far this month.

*

He left after the fight, and I let him go. The feelings swelled until they filled my ears and I thought I heard his steps on the stairs, but no, not yet—not yet. It cut me, somewhere deep inside, where little me remembers mommy and daddy fighting and the door closing behind daddy. He came back, he always came back—I have never been abandoned. But I still believe I can be. Maybe this will be my first—the time of no return. These things do happen, you know. They happen all the time.

The door closes on hope. Each minute goes by timelessly, tugging me into a picture of life without him. My hardness crumbles. My laugh of independence fades and I am a shaking little girl curled up in a ball on a very big bed. The sheets are cold and still around me, I am treading water in an ocean. There is no rest. I run out of blame.

Why are you depriving me of you? Waiting for the unknown moment of your return. He comes back—he was only clearing his head. I crumble in his hands. I am undone. I feel ashamed of my weakness and dramatic sobs. He pulls back my pain and holds me.

I am sorry and I forgive you and I forgive you again. He wasn’t walking out the door, he was walking into my nightmares, released until he returned. When did I become such a part of you?  When did you become my everything?

*

Girls go on a date thinking, “Everything is a no until I say so. I am in control.” 

A guy goes on the date thinking, “Cool! Everything is a go until she says NO.”

A lot of physical ground can be covered between a stated YES and NO.

Most guys understand physical yes/no cues, but unless very direct, they will quickly try again.

The girl is still thinking she hasn’t said yes, when the guy is thinking, “But she hasn’t said no yet.”

Finally the girl gets tired of nicely saying no, and will either give a little just to shut him up, or pop him on the head.

I asked Caid what he would have done, if I would have let him, before we were even dating: “Oh, you are letting me ___? Why thank you!” To which I balked at: “You do know that is what will be going on with our daughter someday.” A hard look passed his face: “Let me get a gun.”

*

Living Intentionally

I was given a neat book as a wedding present--it is all about organizing your live and living your best life...and I always love those kinda books. The basic theme in books and information in my life lately has been LIVING INTENTIONALLY. The only downside to this is that it is exhausting. Especially for the TV/cushy/instant gratification life I am a part of.
It can be downright painful to take an honest look at how things are, and how I want it to be, and the steps to get there.
Here are some important questions to regularly evaluate in your life to live intentionally:
1. Who are the people in my life who encourage/uplift me that I should be around regularly?
2. What would my dream job/career be if money/time were no object?
3. What is my dream life? (write out a quick paragraph of what comes to mind)
4. What is my purpose in life?
5. What do I need in my life each day to be fulfilled/satisfied/happy?
6. What are my deepest desires?
7. What are my talents/love to do/make me happy? (hopefully they overlap)

For number 5, this is what I came up with:
1. Laugh: joy and gratitude
2. Love: intimacy and grace
3. Learn: wonder and enthusiasm
4. Live: healthy and active
5. Lend: ministry and giving/receiving

For number 6, it is important to reword your desires into current affirmations. Here are my examples:
1. I, Rachel, am living in intimacy with God and Caid and loved ones
2. I, Rachel, am growing and learning all the time, remembering it all works together for good
3. I, Rachel, am living with wonder and grace, enthusiasm for what is next
4. I, Rachel, am daily making a difference and helping people locally and globally
5. I, Rachel, am loving each person I meet

For number 7, I am keeping a growing list of verbs:
Writing (blogs, books, papers)
Creating (cooking, drawing, curriculum)
Singing
Encouraging
Coordinating (networking, connecting, directing, developing, leading)
Organizing (planning, cleaning)
Teaching (facilitating, inspiring, sharing, learning, counseling)
Assisting (helping, taking initiative)
Enthusiasm
Reading
Relaxing
Exercising (Sports, zumba)
Trying new things (traveling)
Shopping (getting a deal)
Giving
Laughing
Being close with loved ones (listening, deep conversations)
Being in nature/sunshine

Once I identify these things, It gives me a much clearer direction in where I need to head so that I am living life instead of it living me.

Pictures from the Connecticut Wedding

Thanks to Nasheva Ferguson who made the cake and pulled everything together! Thank you to Grace Baptist church--you all are in our hearts! Whoohoo to all the Ferguson Clan!

Pictures from Indiana Wedding

Thanks to our amazing photographer, Jake Medlong, and so many people who made this possible! We love you guys!