One Month

Caid brought me flowers yesterday. The perfect kind for me, and they meant a lot. I didn’t even realize (and neither did he) that yesterday was our one month anniversary. We don’t remember dates well. But we celebrated and had an amazing day—we lived it, a normal day, like it was a special day, not knowing it really was a special day. And that is how it should be.

I hope this isn’t just a “honeymoon phase” thing. I want life to keep on like this. Some people say it can, others say it can’t. We are celebrating Christmas tomorrow, because Winzeler Christmas is flexible, and Ferguson Christmas will be on the 25^th in Connecticut. So one month married, living on two continents, four locations, two holidays, and plenty of fun.

I am trying to put my brain to writing down the things I have learned about life and love and marriage in the first month, so that next month I can laugh at them and write new ones. This article had good points, so I took their headings and wrote me own explanations. http://www.relevantmagazine.com/life/relationships/10-secrets-you-should-know-about-marriage

1. Marriage is more intimate than sex

Oh, you want to talk about sex? It is more and less than I thought it would be. I am glad it is a part of my life now, but it is just one part of a bigger thing called “us.” I loved how “Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage” put it: Western thought puts sex as the climax—of love, of marriage, of whatever, when really, Jewish thought put sex as a building block of marriage: something amazing that grows “us.”

2. Marriage reveals selfishness, but can also cultivate selflessness (I am adding stubbornness)

I never knew I was stubborn until Karine told me. I never realized HOW stubborn until I sat across from Caid and refused to apologize for something we both know I was clearly wrong about. I sat there until I could squeeze the words out that we knew I didn’t mean. Oh, I meant them five minutes later, but GEE Rachel. Really?

3. Oneness literally means one

It means I don’t get my to-do list done the same way. It means I talk to him before making final decisions. And it means ministry looks different. No more 80 hour work weeks for Living Stones.

4. At some point, you will be disappointed (don’t need to explain that)

5. Like it or not, you will learn the meaning of forgiveness (or that)

6. Marriage will cost you (ya)

7. Love isn’t a feeling, it’s a series of decisions

Normally when you make the decisions, the feeling happens

8. Marriage will require you to learn how to communicate

And I thought I was good at it. Nope. Seems I have problems with details.

9. Marriage is not the end of your destination.

I was very amazed that after I got married—and while I got married—I was still just me. A week before my wedding I sat on my bed and realized I wouldn’t suddenly lose 10 pounds and have perfectly toned muscles in my wedding pictures. It was depressing. Disney movies subconsciously streamed through my mind and I figured that of course it would be perfect.

I never said this out loud (and would have never thought I believed it), but something in me truly thought that wedding, sex, and marriage would “poof” something to make me more/different/magical. Nope. But it all has been pretty darn great. Even if I am only just me.

10. Marriage gives you a glimpse of so much more

I’ve turned into a snoot that looks at the single person and feels sorry for them. Oh darn. But it really is like opening a door to another world.