He is my Best Friend

I woke up the other day, so excited about the idea that I am walking into the future with him, hand in hand. He is a good choice. And if I could forget I was so in love with him, I would still think he was a good choice. So there, rationality.

For me, the three weeks until our wedding are just there to make sure I can get my "to do" list done--as far as the decision-I am ready. I am his. I feel that deep peace that pragmatic people shake their heads about and you can never fully explain. 

But that doesn't stop doubts from coming in. The "But have we been together long enough?" "Are you both prepared enough?" or when someone asks me what he thinks/wants/likes and I realize I have no idea and "WHO IS THIS STRANGER I AM GOING TO MARRY?" passes in hurried capital letters across my brain. 

I am choosing a permanent family member. No easy way out. No "opps." I am choosing a partner, joined at the hip, and choosing him says things about me that I am still learning. We argue a lot. He is detail, I am big picture. He is laid back, I am pushing forward. He is smooth, I am awkward. He is people, I am projects. 

And I know enough to know I don't know the half of it when it comes to marriage. "What do you mean 'you want alone time?' Does this happen often?" sigh. Yes, my love, it does. And so does my controlling, getter-done attitude. 

Because unfortunately, I've gotten very good at doing things well--alone. Now the game changes--no more brownie points for staying up late and getting the paperwork done--relationship is more important. And charging through my checklist? It doesn't bring the same satisfaction because it sacrifices conversation. 

My goals are changing. My definition of success is being reset. Transition is slightly awkward with tears and laughter sandwiched in between. But I wouldn't trade it for the world. 

I asked my friend Joelson what getting married was like: "It magnifies everything--joy, sadness, love, anger, failure, success...but there is nothing like looking at the person next to you and knowing they got through all that with you."