Through things left unspoken, I gathered that my body must be something bad, if it needed to be hidden. That curiosity would lead to sin, and that being noticed and admired was not good. I had all the makings of an old maid cat woman or a cynical rebel. But my parents genuinely loved and cared for me, and I had a community of people who invested in me until I could figure things out for myself. I wouldn’t trade my childhood for anything.
I was an awkward, shy and fashion oblivious child who always found herself surrounded by the “cool kids:” my best friend, my sister, and my husband. They are the beautifullest, coolest, and most fashion forward people that I know. I wavered between being in awe of their put-togetheredness and in feeling inferior and left behind. Then I decided to take steps to being fashion-aware myself.
1. Notice what you are attracted to. Growing up, I was told not to covet or lust. But there is a difference between that and admiration/appreciation. Enjoying beauty is a good thing.
A good exercise is to go on Pinterest and randomly “pin” whatever catches your eye. You will begin to notice patterns of what you like.
2. Understand why you are attracted to it. God created beauty, and created us to enjoy it. Beauty is something you need. Instead of feeling shamed for noticing a cute guy (I didn’t want to jump in bed with him, I just liked looking at him), I began to ask questions about why I noticed him: did he have a strong jaw? Good nose? Great hair? Once I broke it down, I could understand myself better.
A good exercise is to go back to what you pinned on pinterest and pick out specific points: “I like that dress because…Her face stands out because of her eyebrows…”
3. Choose your “Theme.” After identifying things you like and don’t like, you can then find a theme emerging. This isn’t to box you in, but to help define your style, using words that other people can understand as well: Natural (sporty, surf), Dramatic (goth, glam, rocker), Behemian (hippie), Urban (preppy), Classic (sophisticated, elegant), Trendy (chic), Romantic, Creative, Vintage...find your words/combinations.
A good exercise might be this style quiz
4. Build your theme. Fashion requires time and energy. In the focus of giving to others, it had somehow become wrong for me to spend time on myself. The truth is to serve others, you need to know yourself and be the best you. Your style is part of who you are and investing in it is creating the best you. Find a balance. Take time to add your beauty to the world—inside and out.
A good exercise is to go through your closet and get rid of clothes that do not fit in your style, as well as choosing a couple of basic clothing items to purchase that bring out your theme.
5. Know body type (triangle/pear, inverted triangle/apple, rectangle/banana, hourglass, petite, busty), and colors (cool or warm tone, spring, summer, fall, winter):
A good exercise is to find someone you trust and try on every single piece of clothing with them and a good, large mirror. Identify the things that work for your body type and colors that work and don’t work.
6. Think in terms of outfits. I get overwhelmed when I am suddenly supposed to look beautiful for some event. Because I know this about myself, I have a couple of “go to” outfits. I know I have looked good in them in the past, I know they make me feel beautiful, and I know they are do-able.
A good exercise would be to put together three outfits for each season—from dressy to casual/around the house. If you want to take it to the next level, take a picture in each one. From those tried-and-true outfits, you can mix and match and know it will come out great. And don’t forget accessories for each outfit!
7. Step outside your comfort zone and try new things. I needed someone standing next to me, consistently giving me complements before I bought a pair of skinny jeans. I just highlighted my hair for the first time. You might not be a go-getter fashionista, but that doesn’t mean you can’t look good. A good exercise is to add just one thing to your outfit—something unexpected/interesting/individual—each time you dress up, to widen your fashion comfort zone.
8. Posture and confidence speak louder than clothes. Practicing a powerful stance with good posture not only immediately makes your clothes look better on you, it also helps give you confidence—even if you are bluffing.
A good exercise is to just do it.
9. Beauty is a routine. Exercising, showering, sleeping, drinking water, brushing/flossing, washing make-up off every night, lotion at night, sunscreen during the day…you know you are supposed to do all of this, but do you? If not, why not? If it is because of time, work to schedule it in. literally. If it is because you just don’t get around to it—is it because you think you aren’t worth it? Because you are. And those who love you will help you find the time to take care of you.
A good exercise is to take ten extra minutes before you leave the house (every time) to check yourself: did you brush/floss? Add something special to your outfit? Put on at least some lipstick/something that makes your face come alive?
10. Know that you yourself, alone, are enough. Something my “don’t draw attention” fashion taught me is that “Just me” works. The “no make-up, no style, just my personality” me had amazing friends and an amazing life. I may cringe when I see certain pictures of a past me, but I don’t regret it. I am glad that I am learning about fashion. That I am getting to know myself better, and my style. That I feel comfortable in the professional, business world. But me? I still believe that basketball shorts, t-shirt, and a sports bra are where it is at.
“Inner beauty may be more important, but exterior beauty has immediate impact.”– Daniel Goh
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