Knees and Toes

I got the phone call while shopping--the one everyone dreads--their spouse was in the emergency room. Caid had an old wrestling injury that was re-injured a week before, and while he was walking, he stretched and something tore.
He spent a week barely leaving the bed, icing and elevating his knee every hour. We saw a specialist and got an MRI--it is either his Meniscus (which needs surgery) or his MCL (which needs 3 months to heal). But we got the MRI right before we left for California, so haven't gotten the results yet.

Caid and I were hired to work with Supercamp this summer (in the past, I have worked with them in Hong Kong) at the University of South Florida, and so went to some training in Oceanside, CA. We are so grateful to have an Aunt and Uncle who live in San Diego, who picked us up after training, and have been showing us around. 

Churros in Mexico

Point Loma

And tomorrow is on to Disneyland--Caid has never met Micky!

Five Months Married

This month has been the most active and accomplished: we got married two more times. http://www.rachelsnewday.blogspot.com/2014/04/pictures-from-indiana-wedding.html and http://www.rachelsnewday.blogspot.com/2014/04/pictures-from-connecticut-wedding.html. It was amazing, and I am overwhelmed with how loved and cared for we are. Month six involves writing a lot of thank you cards.

We had our biggest fights and our best make-ups so far this month.

*

He left after the fight, and I let him go. The feelings swelled until they filled my ears and I thought I heard his steps on the stairs, but no, not yet—not yet. It cut me, somewhere deep inside, where little me remembers mommy and daddy fighting and the door closing behind daddy. He came back, he always came back—I have never been abandoned. But I still believe I can be. Maybe this will be my first—the time of no return. These things do happen, you know. They happen all the time.

The door closes on hope. Each minute goes by timelessly, tugging me into a picture of life without him. My hardness crumbles. My laugh of independence fades and I am a shaking little girl curled up in a ball on a very big bed. The sheets are cold and still around me, I am treading water in an ocean. There is no rest. I run out of blame.

Why are you depriving me of you? Waiting for the unknown moment of your return. He comes back—he was only clearing his head. I crumble in his hands. I am undone. I feel ashamed of my weakness and dramatic sobs. He pulls back my pain and holds me.

I am sorry and I forgive you and I forgive you again. He wasn’t walking out the door, he was walking into my nightmares, released until he returned. When did I become such a part of you?  When did you become my everything?

*

Girls go on a date thinking, “Everything is a no until I say so. I am in control.” 

A guy goes on the date thinking, “Cool! Everything is a go until she says NO.”

A lot of physical ground can be covered between a stated YES and NO.

Most guys understand physical yes/no cues, but unless very direct, they will quickly try again.

The girl is still thinking she hasn’t said yes, when the guy is thinking, “But she hasn’t said no yet.”

Finally the girl gets tired of nicely saying no, and will either give a little just to shut him up, or pop him on the head.

I asked Caid what he would have done, if I would have let him, before we were even dating: “Oh, you are letting me ___? Why thank you!” To which I balked at: “You do know that is what will be going on with our daughter someday.” A hard look passed his face: “Let me get a gun.”

*

Living Intentionally

I was given a neat book as a wedding present--it is all about organizing your live and living your best life...and I always love those kinda books. The basic theme in books and information in my life lately has been LIVING INTENTIONALLY. The only downside to this is that it is exhausting. Especially for the TV/cushy/instant gratification life I am a part of.
It can be downright painful to take an honest look at how things are, and how I want it to be, and the steps to get there.
Here are some important questions to regularly evaluate in your life to live intentionally:
1. Who are the people in my life who encourage/uplift me that I should be around regularly?
2. What would my dream job/career be if money/time were no object?
3. What is my dream life? (write out a quick paragraph of what comes to mind)
4. What is my purpose in life?
5. What do I need in my life each day to be fulfilled/satisfied/happy?
6. What are my deepest desires?
7. What are my talents/love to do/make me happy? (hopefully they overlap)

For number 5, this is what I came up with:
1. Laugh: joy and gratitude
2. Love: intimacy and grace
3. Learn: wonder and enthusiasm
4. Live: healthy and active
5. Lend: ministry and giving/receiving

For number 6, it is important to reword your desires into current affirmations. Here are my examples:
1. I, Rachel, am living in intimacy with God and Caid and loved ones
2. I, Rachel, am growing and learning all the time, remembering it all works together for good
3. I, Rachel, am living with wonder and grace, enthusiasm for what is next
4. I, Rachel, am daily making a difference and helping people locally and globally
5. I, Rachel, am loving each person I meet

For number 7, I am keeping a growing list of verbs:
Writing (blogs, books, papers)
Creating (cooking, drawing, curriculum)
Singing
Encouraging
Coordinating (networking, connecting, directing, developing, leading)
Organizing (planning, cleaning)
Teaching (facilitating, inspiring, sharing, learning, counseling)
Assisting (helping, taking initiative)
Enthusiasm
Reading
Relaxing
Exercising (Sports, zumba)
Trying new things (traveling)
Shopping (getting a deal)
Giving
Laughing
Being close with loved ones (listening, deep conversations)
Being in nature/sunshine

Once I identify these things, It gives me a much clearer direction in where I need to head so that I am living life instead of it living me.

Pictures from the Connecticut Wedding

Thanks to Nasheva Ferguson who made the cake and pulled everything together! Thank you to Grace Baptist church--you all are in our hearts! Whoohoo to all the Ferguson Clan!

Pictures from Indiana Wedding

Thanks to our amazing photographer, Jake Medlong, and so many people who made this possible! We love you guys!

Third Time's the Charm

I am in the calm between wedding #2 (to Caid Ferguson) and wedding #3 (to Caid Ferguson). I am trying to collect enough thoughts to make this third one even better--but is that possible? Here is wedding #1:

wedding #1 Dos:
1. Know what your main goal is and let everything else go
2. Pinterest! It works everywhere
3. Make it kid friendly--we really like kids
3. If you can pull off a wedding in another country using only public transportation, you rock
4. Put your personal touch on things that can be prepared on things in advance, like invites and programs--not last minute decor
5. Make sure to have lots of amazing people to help out early and stay late, because you always need it

wedding #1 Don'ts:
1. Forget to have a wedding rehearsal
2. Get upset at anyone for any reason--broken relationships are worse than anything "wrong" with your wedding
3. Have many different parts to your wedding that everyone needs to participate in--they like doing their own thing
4. Forget to pack for the honeymoon last minute/grab your stuff right as you leave
5. Be afraid to ask people to lead/head things up directly

And wedding #2 was amazing as well 

Wedding #2 Dos: 

1. Invite everyone--they won't all show up

2. Use the internet! So many ideas and free templates to steal from.

3. Do as much as possible beforehand 

4. Know you won't get to talk to everyone who comes as much/as deeply as you want to (face it--weddings are not for good heart-to-heart convos) 

5. A Father/daughter dance--one of my favorite things ever! 

6. Plan/get people to lead fun dances EVERYONE can do--Limbo, chicken dance, Cha cha slide, Cupid Shuffle, Twist...

7. Pinata. Enough said. 

Wedding #2 Don'ts:

1. Stress the small stuff. And in the end, it is all small stuff

2. Forget to practice putting on the rings

3. Forget to be nice to your husband and make sure he gets fed

4. Get the Cotton Candy Machine without the extra guard thing 

5. Have old sparklers that don't end up working

What impressed me the most about getting married (well, aside from making the biggest decision of my life) was the impressions it gave others. I will never forget little Iasmim in Brazil, who lives at the trash dump, staring at me, frozen, with a look that could not be satisfied: I was beautiful, and she didn't have much beauty in her life. It was as if seeing me was giving her something. The Living Stones children reaching out to touch me, to be next to me, to be a part of this wedding "show."
And that is what it is. We put on a show to remember, establish, and confirm this inanimate decision of giving our hearts and lives to another person. We invite those we care about to be a part of it. We invite children to show them what it looks like. I remember my cousins getting married. Every wedding created a longing in me, an excitement--when will it be my turn to be the star? To be the beautiful one everyone stands up for when she comes down the aisle? When will I have a man looking at me like THAT--committing his lifelong devotion to me? 
I received the best RSVP from one of my kids, who is no longer a kid: "it's time to see my friend live out the example she bestowed upon me when I was just 10 years old, and for that I thank you, that you preached about it so many times. It's one thing to tell someone to do the right thing, but to actually live it out exactly how God planed is a blessing to me and I am truly grateful..... now GO TIE THAT KNOT!"
I had told her it was possible to wait on God and do the married thing right...that it was worth it--and then she watched it happen (finally, TEN years later). I saw one of the little boys who came to our wedding at church later. He couldn't stop looking at me. In his eyes I read, "That was the bride! The star! And she is here...and so...normal." 
They are watching. They are figuring things out. And from their perceptions of what works and doesn't work, they will make the decisions that will shape their lives. Geez, that is the scary beautiful part about working with kids. 

Four Months Married

So happy:). Caid makes me see stars. 

So four months married and 8 godchildren--our family is growing fast--how fantastic!

The main thing that is happening in our lives is What I learned from my First wedding, and getting ready for my second and third wedding. I have made my own bouquet and am almost done with garland. Still have to figure out the aisle runner. 

The most exciting thing that has happened this month is Being commissioned as Missionaries and the special amazing donation/blessing that came with that. 

Something really personally soul-searching was Mr. Gothard Issues, and I am enjoying my lists and projects as we begin Lent: Reading the Gospels in parallel, Chronological order.

As I look at Caid and we celebrate four months of being together, I resist the urge to sigh and say, "We have arrived!" Because that is how it feels--but hey--I am totally open to the idea of it getting even better. I thank the Lord for this Godly man and best friend that I get to hang out with all the time. And he is hot. gee.