Today was Good

When I see what I see, it makes me feel guilty to be happy. And yet happy is what they need. Not happy as in ignoring reality and plastic Barbie faces, but happy as in joy from the Lord that goes deeper. And sometimes, I just don’t have it. They meet me at the door of the car, with their faces plastered up against the glass, making a dirty smudge: “so and so broke their arm! So and so had surgery.” And so it begins.

I didn’t get enough sleep last night. I just found out that our faithful worker, who I respect and appreciate and always encourages me, has to work on Saturdays from changes at his job. It hits me hard and I swallow tears because I can’t be looking mopey for the kids—they don’t need one more sorry, sad face in their ugly world.

It is ugly. I can’t stop my lip from curling when I think about the smell, the flies. They live and work at the dump. They make their living from the fact that no one takes the time to recycle. All they’ve known is trash. All they’ve been treated is like trash. Where do they throw their wrappers? Anywhere. It is all the dump.

And so I tell myself now is not the time to cry—it is to be strong, to be loving, to be God’s hands to these children. We have a bubble gum blowing contest. We form a conspiracy and surprise Washington with little notes and a loud, off-key “Happy Birthday” song. And as we fold up the dirty blankets that we sat on, one girl looks up and says,  “Today was good.” And I agree. And then I go home and cry.

Because I am not that strong. To tell you the truth, when I woke up, I didn’t want to go. I was hoping the rain would cancel our trip. Because it is hard. And I am lazy. But I went because I love those kids, and I am always blessed when I go. I know this. I remind myself of this. But I also went because I knew there were people going. People counting on me. What about when our worker has to go back to work? Who will be the faithful one…the one that everyone knows is going, even if they are alone.

I don’t want to be that person. I wish I had a Saturday off every once in a while. That responsibility is so heavy, and it so quickly becomes a burden. And I feel so small. I feel guilty. I wish I could tell you I jumped out of bed this morning to go to the dump. But I didn’t. And after my cry, I wash my face and say “Today was good.” 

(The bracelet that Henrique made for me)

30 Tips for Working with/Teaching Kids

1. You have to know it yourself before you can pass it on to someone else
2. Anything worth knowing is worth sharing with (teaching) someone else
3. Use props. They help you and the kids stay focused
4. Teaching is discovery. The teacher and student finding answers together
5. Being a teacher is so much more than just being a teacher. It is wearing all the hats needed to provide what is needed for the student
6. “They don’t care what you know until they know that you care.”
7. Teaching takes dedication and perseverance, without instant reward. They probably will never thank you—many of them don’t know how to put their gratitude into words yet
8. Teaching is a lifestyle. You can’t fake it for long
9. Teaching is mutual—a two way street. Be humble about giving and receiving
10. Teaching is an ART. Get trained and keep learning how to do it better (best training ever: Supercamp)
11. From Supercamp: a. Everything speaks b. Everything is on purpose c. Experience before label d. Acknowledge every effort and e. If it is worth doing, it is worth celebrating
12. Also from Supercamp: lesson plan should include EEL DR C: enroll, experience, label demonstrate, review, celebrate
13. Learn to use silence, to control your state, and the state of the room
14. Always remember: attention spans are basically one minute per year old (up to about 15-20). So if you have a room of 6 year olds, divide the content into 6 minute chunks and have state changes in between each chunk.
15. You, as the teacher, need to know the student well enough to connect learning content with their previous knowledge and schema, not leaving any gaps
16. Use music as much as possible, as a state change, as a dance break, as a come in/leave transition…
17. See the “10” in every child, even if they show up as a 2—you see potential
18. Make every child feel glad they came and that you care. You do not know what else is going on in their lives or if you will ever get the chance to teach them again
19. Know your objective for what you are teaching: what is the outcome you want, and how can you get there? Be direct
20. In the first 2 minutes, let the students know a. what you are going to share and b. why it is worth it for them to listen
21. I have something valuable to share, and I know it will make a difference in your life: that is why I am a teacher
22. Teacher rewards: that 2 minute (or so) window where the kids are actually looking at you and listening and you can see the wheels turning in their heads as they truly “get it.”
23. Sleep enough and take care of yourself. If Teacher ain’t happy, nobody (in the class) is happy
24. Be humble: if you mess up, apologize right there in front of the class. Vulnerability breeds vulnerability. If you don’t know the answer to something they ask—great! Then you get to find the answer together
25. Laugh a lot: learning is fun, remember?
26. “Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day; show him how to catch fish, and you feed him for a lifetime.”
27. You get what you invest: be prepared, and include things to keep yourself interested as well
28. Look for the little victories and praise them: God is always working somewhere
29. When they fail don’t think it is final and when they succeed don’t think your job is done
30. Be real. They know the difference

30 Things Prince Charming will Be/Do

(Written when I was 19)

1. Saved and totally surrendered to the Lord
2. Ask for my advice
3. Stimulate my brain, be a “deep thinker”
4. Think I am nearly perfect and want to make me totally perfect
5. Live a life of purity, living up to the highest
6. Not be lazy—a hard worker
7. Feel free to talk to me about anything and I him
8. Always have time for me
9. Know what they want in life and stick to it
10. Be a spiritual leader
11. Be a gentleman
12. Love his mom and sisters and have great relationships with them
13. Have godly men that keep him accountable and do “guy stuff” with
14. Want lots of kids everywhere all the time
15. Be filled with the Holy Spirit and always wanting to share his insights
16. Not be a complainer
17. Be more in love with God and want to be with Him more than with me
18. Be involved with a ministry that reaches out and serves people
19. Keeps me accountable for my walk with God
20. Have nothing in their past that holds back the present or the future
21. Be generous with their money, but also wise, giving it all to God first
22. Talk to my father about me
23. Give me time and space to make my own decisions
24. Agree with my mom in politics
25. Be honest and open even when it requires sacrifice
26. Be a man of prayer
27. Not a pushover when it comes to discipline
28. We both “fit in” to the other’s families
29. We agree on doctrine and entertainment
30. I need to be attracted to him

Guess who got everything on her list and more??:) 

30 Ways to Find God's will/Calling/Purpose for Your Life

1. Quit making lists. Just go out there and live life with God outside the box
2. You often find God’s will for your life through elimination: go do something, and you might find it is NOT your calling, but at least you are a step closer
3. Understand what a calling/purpose is. Study it and ask others how they found theirs
4. Whatever your calling, the ultimate goal is to bring glory to God. So if it doesn’t do that, it isn’t for you
5. It involves your deepest, truest desires—figure out what those are
6. It will bring you fulfillment and peace, but not an easy life: know that it will cost you everything
7. It fills some kind of need/void in the world that only you can fill: what are the needs/problems out there that make you the maddest, saddest, happiest when you can help?
8. It evolves and takes shape, becoming clearer in steps—you must take a step before you see the next one, so do what you know you need to do now, even if you don’t know the next step yet
9. Just because you are called one place or to a specific people for a time doesn’t mean it won’t change: but your life calling/purpose will always have the same basic motivation
10. Ask these questions: Who am I? What do I do (or want to do) with my life? For whom? What need/problem does that solve? What is the result of that?
11. Romans 12:1-2. Study, learn, do it
12. The goal of your life purpose/calling is to become like Christ (1 Thess. 4:3, Romans 8:29), so start working on that now
13. Your life purpose/calling is the specific area/people group that God has called you to minister to. It is about others, not you, so get out there and start serving
14. Ask yourself these questions: Have I died to myself and am living to God? Am I doing everything I know I am to be doing now? Am I looking to pray for others and meet their needs? Am I bringing God glory in my life?
15. Desire to know God’s will more than anything else. Learn how to pray and fast
16. Decide to do whatever God shows you, no matter the cost
17. Search your heart to see if there is any sin/thing you are holding back from God
18. Remember that God wants you to hear Him even more than you want to hear Him
19. Know that God answers “yes, no, and wait” but always says “Trust me”
20. Learn how to listen/hear God speak
21. God speaks through your conscience, circumstances, authorities, and time
22. Be saturated with the Word of God since that is His main way of speaking to us
23. Why did God create you? To serve? To help? To assist? To influence? To impact? To encourage? To give? To train? To comfort? Find some good verbs that describe your desire to make a difference
24. Who do you feel called to work with/serve (whatever verbs above you chose)? Families? Fathers? Mothers? Children? Teens? Babies? Parents? Adults? Singles? Couples? Elderly? Specific country or people group? Poor people? Rich people? Middle class? Foreigners? Sick people? Handicapped people? Homeless? Runaways? Unsaved people? Lukewarm Christians? Urban? Rural? Anything else you can think of
25. Doing what with those people (that you chose above)? Sports? Music? Art? Entertainment? Designing? Photography? Writing? Teaching? Tutoring? Counseling? Preaching? Technology skills? Law? Business? Medicine? Cosmetology?
26. What do you want to see as the result of your life being lived?
27. What is your definition of success?
28. This template may show you something: “My life purpose/calling is to (fill in with verbs from #23) to (fill in with people groups from #24) through (fill in with #25 answers) for the reason of (fill in with answers from #26 and 27).” But templates aren’t miracle workers.
29. “Don’t ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive, because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”

30 Discipleship Lessons

1. Has Christ as the center of their life
2. Assurance of Salvation
3. Made God Lord of their life (dedication)
4. How to pray
5. Separated from past life:
6. Friends (from a Biblical standpoint)
7. Entertainment (music, movies, internet…)
8. Opposite sex/purity and proper relationships
9. Clothes
10. Words/attitude
11. Being baptized and church: what and why
12. Finding your worth/identity in Christ
13. Give God your future
14. Know God’s purpose for your life
15. Give God your money (tithe and offering)
16. Give God your time (church, service)
17. Have your own devotions/time with God
18. Know how to study the Bible
19. Memorize and meditate on Scripture
20. Fasting and seeking God, how to listen
21. Obedience to God—yielding rights
22. Obedience to parents—Biblical family values
23. Obedience to authority in government/school
24. Have a clear conscience/victory over sin
25. Know how to stand alone rather than give in
26. Know your spiritual gifts
27. Know your testimony and share with others
28. Know how to share the gospel/lead someone to Christ
29. Know how to disciple someone else
30. Know how to lead a Bible study/have a ministry

30 Steps to a Dream (based on "The Dream Giver" by Bruce Wilkinson)

1. You start off as an ordinary, normal person living a familiar life
2. Then begins the holy discontent: a nagging feeling something is missing
3. You have a big dream to meet a big need in the big world
4. You tell someone and they doubt you, so you keep it to yourself
5. It builds up and you will burst if you don’t share it—you realize you were born for this
6. You decide to do whatever it takes to go after your dream
7. You tell everyone about your dream
8. You make sacrifices and changes for this dream, leaving your comfort zone
9. To do what you love most, you have to do what you fear most
10. You hit a wall of fear
11. In God’s strength, you pass the fears and enter into freedom
12. You run into obstacles: people who want to protect you, people who don’t believe in you, people who don’t want you to rock the boat, people who want to stop/destroy you
13. You meet kindred spirits: people who dream with you and help you understand truth and kill doubt
14. You enter a time when you cannot see your dream and things go on and on and you can’t see God. You feel alone
15. You become angry with God—where are His promises?
16. God gives you faith to go one step at a time without seeing/feeling more
17. You begin to see how God was working all along and you feel Him close
18. You walk in the light and God reveals impurities and washes you clean: you feel one with God
19. God asks you to give back your dream to Him: your dream or God
20. You struggle and walk away from the dream knowing God is enough
21. God gives you back the dream in a new and real way
22. You face more problems and obstacles before you are ready for your dream
23. God gives the Holy Spirit and His Word (truth) as your weapons as you begin the spiritual battles
24. You have fellowship with other Christians who are fighting alongside you
25. You learn to fight or others and take on their giants in Christ
26. You feel a certain need and begin to try to help—it hits your heart and you can’t ignore it
27. You realize THIS was the big dream you had all along
28. You work hard and are fulfilled doing what you love to do the most
29. You are joined by other dreamers and teach others how to dream
30. You are called away by God to begin the whole process again…leaving everything familiar and digging deeper, finding a new facet to this amazing dream/life God has given you

30 Lies/Fears I've Believed

1. All you need is love
2. “I am sorry” will fix it
3. If it is God’s will, it will go smoothly
4. My would will be perfect if (insert something) just happened
5. Ignore it and it will go away
6. Don’t be vulnerable, they will take advantage
7. Changing my mind is betraying all I once stood for
8. I have to be thin and pretty to be liked
9. If you love someone they will love you back
10. Always speak your mind
11. Being closer to someone just means getting hurt more
12. My mistakes messed up God’s plan for my life
13. I am not pretty because no one notices me
14. I am not enough as just me
15. I will be forgotten because I am not worth remembering
16. One day I will find out everyone was only faking it
17. I am weak and when something scary/big happens I will be found to be a coward/failure
18. I am not worth anything unless I am working hard to serve others or look pretty
19. One day, God is going to get tired of forgiving me and give up on me
20. If you really knew me, you wouldn’t like me anymore
21. My gut instinct is always wrong
22. I am just a hypocrite fooling myself
23. I am going to disappoint everyone l love the most
24. My dreams are silly and my standards are too high, I need a reality check
25. No one will ever really understand me
26. I can’t trust my heart and am just making up this whole ‘relationship with God’ stuff
27. I am inadequate for the job I am being asked to do
28. As long as I am a good girl people will like me—just try harder
29. Be quiet, because if you are loud you will just mess up
30. I am not pretty enough to be popular, and if people do like me, I must constantly live up to their expectations or they won’t like me anymore
31. If I were only prettier/nicer/funnier/better/normal…I would have everything I wanted                     (For me, this was a healing exercise—to identify each of these lies, and then write out the truths beside them)